Sunday, July 14, 2013


I’ve been encased in grey. On July 2, I put down my dog, Toby. Always a tough decision, I struggled for the weeks leading up to that day, and I’ve been in mourning since then.

It is the peak of the summer season here. Sunny, warm, swim-worthy days. Farmers’ markets everywhere, with delicious Michigan blueberries and cherries. Every lake and every beach is beckoning. Art, theater, and music events are everywhere. But I am grey.

Toby was far from perfect. She rarely came when I called. She would run off given the slightest opportunity. She insisted on having her spot on the sofa. All these behavior faults were entirely due to my inability to be the boss.

But Toby was a happy dog. And she loved me. And I loved her. I was in love with her. I was her slave, her doorman, her doormat.

Several dozen times a day I would lavish words of affection: I love you the most. You are my all time favorite girl dog ever. My lovest bugest. Tubbs. Squiggly wiggly giggly biggly diggly duggly. Sweet pea. Sweetums. Heart bug. Love bug.

I was a total fool for her. And now I am grey. I expected her demise to trouble me, but I imagined more drama. I know this fog will lift, but I hope not too soon. For now, I want to be grey.


  1. Amy, I'm so sorry for your loss and the sadness that comes with it...there are no words to say to make it better, I know. But thinking of you!

  2. Amy, I just this morning, learned about you when I visited the SOARS page. You live right here in Lake Ann. I live right here in Lake Ann. I imagine you also know Tracie Herkener? I'm not posting to tell you all of that. I'm posting to tell you how very sorry I am to learn about your Toby. I can honestly say that I know exactly what it is like, what you are going through, as I have had to do this in the past and will, no doubt, have to do it again in a few more years. Even though we have never met my heart goes out to you.

    1. Lindy,
      Thank you for your kind words. I miss Toby every day.
      Yes! I know Tracie. A great gal. So, you're in LA too? And you work with fiber? Contact me.